‘The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego,
the second half is going inward and letting go of it.’ – Carl Jung
A lovely student managed to bind in Marichyasana D recently, after 7 years of practice. Of course, it is not important in the scheme of things, but when we have met a pose daily for many years and then suddenly there is a shift it can feel gratifying. He was celebrating leaving the class and then scolded himself for his ego.
Recently, ego has come up a lot in my yoga world, often in this usage – students telling themselves off for their ego. This time I questioned it, sharing that once in a Q&A Manju Jois gently mocked us by announcing that guilt and shame are very western and less common in India. Whether this is true, I don’t know, but the student opened up sharing that he had mulled buying all the other students a coffee to celebrate his moment. Then he mused on how folks might think he had been arrogant, when (undoubtedly) he wouldn’t bind next Monday. I suggested that he might be wrong in his initial assessment that his ego was inflated and we laughed together.
Colloquially in the west the word ego often refers to big headedness or narcissism. However, the word ego is Latin for I. This portion of human personality, in which we experience our self, our I-am-ness, is considered essential to our sense of identity and continuity in western psychology. It is an organising principle; a construct which developmentally forms from early childhood and gives us our sense of being the same person over a period of time in spite of change.
Whilst schools of western psychology present the ego differently, a person who cultivates a more stable or healthy ego (sense of self) would regularly be presented as less swayed by immediate environmental and social pressures in decision making. A person with a healthy ego might also be more consistent and quietly self assured.
On the contrary, fragility or weakness of ego is characterised by impulsive behaviours and a sense of inferiority. This fragility of ego can lead to excessive concern for what others think of us. It can also lead to excessive vulnerability or neurosis.
However, the inflated presentation of self, grandiosity, dominance or a superiority complex are also consequences of fragile ego. Even high achievers are sometimes driven by low self-esteem and may excessively crave approval for potentially compensatory talents or personal achievements. So the stable ego is less the source of these particular issues. Rather it is the fragile or weak ego, which wreaks havoc at both ends of the personality spectrum.
This is very different to the notions of ego in Indian philosophy. Two terms for the ego arise in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, the ahamkara (I-maker) and asmita (egotism). Ahamkara, as the I-maker, conjures our ‘I am female’, ‘I am a Yoga Teacher’ or ‘I am 44’ statements. It weaves memories into personal narratives and from these derives our personal identifiers.
In Indian philosophy the ego and our material existence in general conceal our true nature, as pure consciousness. This is framed as a form of ignorance (avidya). Asmita (egotism) is our clinging to these contracted notions of self, which are expressions of this ignorance. The consequences of this misunderstanding about who we are causes desire (raga) and aversion (dvesa) and underpin our clinging to this mortal life and our existential fears (abhinivesa).
In Indian philosophical literature, Self realisation commonly occurs when we become aware that we are the consciousness in which all these notions of self arise. Self realisation is often framed as ego dissolution. When I stop identifying with these contracted notions of self, I can dwell in pure consciousness.
However, surely we still require a stable ego to conduct ourselves in the world. What is important is not over identifying with them. Maybe that is what Jung means when he writes, ‘The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.’ We need a healthy and secure ego, such that we can function well in the world. At the same time, it is important not to over identify with it if we want to experience ourselves as pure consciousness or awareness. Maybe then self realisation is not as far away as we thought.
So next time you think to rebuke yourself for ego, remember it might be driven by guilt or shame in taking small pleasures in practice. If you were showing off or performing, remember that too comes from fragility and forgive yourself. The other common ego remarks in yoga spaces regard folks hurting themselves in practice. Remember, sometimes enthusiasm means we overdo it and that enthusiasm also drives all learning. Other times accidents just happen. In my experience those who berate themselves most around ego are not the showy or pushy types. Be kind.